Childhood: equal or unequal?

Once a month, a group of people gather around the lunch table; we not only share lunch but also a discussion about a specific topic. The past two discussions have centered on ‘childhood’. Not MY childhood especially, or another’s specified era, but childhood in general. I guess it’s not exactly an innovative thought that not everyone’s childhood looks alike.

I grew up in a homogeneous rural community in the 1950s. Opportunities were pretty much the same for everyone. If you had the interest, and the money, you sent your children off to college. Everyone else worked in blue collar jobs, served in the Armed Forces, and/or started a family right after high school. But even in my generation, all childhoods did not look alike. Rural community childrearing looked different from urban childrearing. Socioeconomic levels did have an impact then, but, surprisingly, not as much as they do today.

Annette Lareau, author of Unequal Childhoods, highlights how the intersection of race and class has a great deal to do with family life: how we groom our children to not only perceive the world differently, but act and react in that world differently. The work is a culmination of a large field study on family life in various classes, races and cultures. Lareau categorized childrearing in two ways: Concerted Cultivation and the Accomplishment of Natural Growth.

Concerted Cultivation draws upon the determined effort of the parents to cultivate the development of a child by gifting them with as many opportunities as possible. Children grow up feeling accomplished and entitled to certain amenities in the adult world. Within to this type of child rearing, organized activities such as sports and music lessons is a major element. Family time is centered on children’s sports schedules or other organized events. Often the family budget suffers dramatically as a result of extra-curricular activities, but parents deem it a worthwhile investment. Parents of middle class families focus on the education system and are heavily involved. Parents feel all of these things give the child a leg up in the adult world of cooperation, teamwork and business ventures.

The Accomplishment of Natural Growth, according to Lareau, manifests itself more often in working class and poor families. The child’s life is organized around family events with less emphasis on structured sports and events that cost a lot of money. Neighborhoods provide playmates and areas to play. Children know about money issues and are accountable for their own spending. Parents do not unequivocally supply the latest and greatest gadget.

There are definitely benefits and disadvantages for both ways of raising children and everyone in the group certainly had their own thoughts on the subject. The group consensus so far is that some children who are given everything, grow up with an over-inflated sense of entitlement and power. As a whole we felt healthy self-esteem comes from validating feelings, giving an appropriate amount of freedom and power, and nurturing compassion and passion within. We talked about classes -- middle and working, and we shared what we felt were the ‘best practices’ for childrearing. Again, not innovative thoughts and perhaps a bit academic, but all our comments emphasized our being able to do the best we can with what we have. We call it ‘the good enough’ parent.

So what are your thoughts? Do you feel sports, recreational and extracurricular activities, and the latest in technology foster teamwork, cooperation and increased knowledge in kids as they move into adulthood? Do you feel providing no-cost to low-cost recreational activities set examples of hard work and personal accountability? Should parents strike a balance between the two? Tell us what you think.

Submitted by Jane McCauley