Elder Abuse: A Story

Four months ago, a women I'll call Bea, phoned me and asked what she could do about her granddaughter, who was constantly asking her for money, stealing money out of her purse, and calling her very bad names. The granddaughter, upon occasion, pushed her and yelled at her in her face. Bea was terrified every time the granddaughter’s phone number appeared on her caller ID or when she saw her face through the peephole in her apartment door. This granddaughter, who as a young girl she had cherished, developed a substance abuse problem and was intimidating and threatening her grandmother into supporting her addictions. Bea lived alone and was under such stress that she couldn’t eat or sleep. Her doctor was very worried about her. The rest of Bea’s family simply would not confront the granddaughter and allowed this frail elderly woman to be abused physically, financially, and emotionally. It took some convincing to get her to understand that this treatment would not simply “go away” like she wanted. She was not able to understand how or why this person that she loved would treat her like that. After some safety planning and education about abuse I was able to guide her through the Restraining Order process. Since she was over the age of 60, the YWCA was able to use the new Elder – At –Risk statues §46.90(1)(bt). This statute allows our agency to file on her behalf. At the injunction hearing the judge allowed Bea to teleconference since she was too frail to come to court to face her abuser. Bea was granted the order and her life has been significantly less stressful.

When I think back to the best gifts I have been given I do not think of objects like my camera or my computer. The ones that stick out for me are the relationship gifts. The ones that your children give you like a homemade scrapbook of remembrances, or photos of family, or memories of time spent in special ways together. Perhaps the best gift we can give to our elders is awareness! Awareness that abuse can and does occur! Awareness that some elderly are very vulnerable! Awareness that some elderly have significant needs in later years! Awareness that not all families have the ability to cope with special needs! Awareness that there are public and private agencies that offer help to the elderly and their caregivers! Awareness that abuse is a difficult thing to talk about and that older persons may have special fears and vulnerabilities: health care, finances, dependence on others for personal care, etc. Growing older use to carry special significance in terms of wisdom and honor in the family. This no longer exists in a culture that worships youth, mobility and money.


So the question becomes:
What can you do for those who have paved our way?

By Jane McCauley, YWCA Abuse in Later Life Advocate